Tales Not Worth The Telling

Last updated December 31, 1998
Table O'Contents

Prelude
by Jared Rend

The Story of Jared
by Jared Rend

Me and Renton
by Mystorion Erll

How Come I'm Gay?
By Bobolum

The Way it REALLY Went
by Raxxlar Baby

The Evil I Found
by Beorn
The story of this SINFUL party 
through the eyes of a devout Paladin
New December 98

Our Story
by Patricia

Coming Soon
OK maybe Never, Unless I get a request

Writings of a Priest
by Doc Droopy
From the author of "The Way it Really Went"
sort of funny

Tale of a Thief
by Eldelia Mestherian
The same story as Jared's,only its funny
Prelude
This is the backwash prelude to the story of me, which is an immensely large heaping of dung. In case you are not familiar with me, I amthe savior of the world and the best looking Grey Elven Cavalier in the Prime Material. I am also King of the famed Dragonlands, in my own forest. I am the most superior fighter in all the multiverse, and not only that, butI am very modest. Now that you know who I am you may go to your local temple and worship me. You can also read my book that should be after this prelude. You may have also heard of my famous henchmen: Mystorian Erll; Renton Sanford; and the beautiful Ariel Celanil. Mystorion is none other than the greatest wizard to ever walk the Oerth. Renton may be just be the best fighter lord in the history of Hommlet. Ariel is the most beautiful Elven female in the known Prime Material, and is only beaten in beauty by a few Goddesses. She is also the greatest High Priestess of Haneli Celanil. I also have a few lesser henchmen, but they are not the greatest of anything yet, except for Lobodum who just may be the best looking gnome I've ever seen.

The great party of adventurers that I am in now may have some of thebiggest douche bags in it, but the biggest of the bags left a long time back.They were: Bruno, a monk who is now dead, may he burn in the pits of hell; Morbius, a half-elven fighter who has fallen out of circulation, I've also heard reports of a gnome jester named Sniff-Ass, or something, who has also fallen into a deep hole; and last of all Beefhorn, the buttfucking paladin who is now hiding at home and won't come out unless his mommy is holding his hand. Others may have fallen on the way, but I don't want to disgrace them like I did these assholes. I would have to say that Shana is the biggest fuckhead still in the party, he is of course, that thumb fucking magic user that isn't your friend or mine. Next comes Claymore Basil, who is largely regarded as the worst ranger and stupidest traveling companion a person can find. Last of all comes Eldelia, the elven thief, who isn't as bad as the others. Riddithan the Ranger is not really in our party, but he sometimes tags along on adventures with us.

Well if this doesn't convince you that the rest of the story is a crock of shit, then you will probably enjoy the following pages of trash. Fuck off, eh?

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